


Flash in the Pan

by obsessivemuch



Category: Power Rangers Dino Thunder
Genre: Angst, Child Death, Comfort, F/M, Falling In Love, Future Fic, Love, Power Rangers Dino Thunder ficathon, Reunion, Sorrow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-11-07
Updated: 2004-11-07
Packaged: 2017-10-28 15:39:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/309414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obsessivemuch/pseuds/obsessivemuch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>True love isn't all its cracked up to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Flash in the Pan

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Hurricane Black](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Hurricane+Black).



> Dedication: To Casey who has pretty much kept me sane the last week and a half and who has alternately bribed and threatened me well enough to produce this.
> 
> Challenge: Hurricane Black – 1) Any pairing (hetero or slash) with the exception of Dr.O/Hayley or Dr.O and anything character, past or present, 2) Character-focused fiction (any character), 3) Anything else that's not mentioned above.

"Are you sure you want to go through with this?"

The question stopped Kira cold. She glanced at the figure across the table. "Are you trying to talk me out of this?"

"No, not really. It's just a big step, you know. I want to make sure you've thought it through." The lawyer watched her with compassionate eyes. "It's been a long time, Kira, and you shouldn't regret the decision you're about to make."

Her fingers traced over the lettering on the official document. "Dissolution of Marriage" followed by their names and the reason at the bottom of the form. "Irreconcilable Differences" – it was such a simple innocuous term, one that freed them both from any fault or blame. She looked at him with sad resignation. "It has to be this way. We haven't been married since Nathan . . . we haven't been married for a long time, Devin. This just makes it official." Resolute, she picked up the black pen and set it above the black line over her own name.

* * *

"Will I go to the dance with you?" Kira sat down on the couch hard and stared at the boy in front of her. His smile was both hopeful and certain at the same time, but her usual urge to punch him for his arrogance fled in the wake of her shock. "Me? Why are you asking me, Conner? I'm not one of your little soccer groupies."

With surprise, she watched him dig his foot into the carpet with nervousness, but he responded candidly. "I've liked you for awhile, Kira. I want to take you to the Winter Ball."

"But what about Krista?" The moment seemed surreal to the musician, and she wondered how Conner had hid his feelings so well when he could barely hide his Ranger status.

"She was a distraction – I was trying to keep my mind off you," he admitted quietly.

She wanted to feel outrage that he could use the environmentalist in such a fashion, but her brain focused on trying to process the idea that Conner would ever be attracted to her. She said the first thing that popped into her head. "All right, I'll go."

They attended the Winter Ball with Cassidy and Ethan, a double date that made the early part of the night only slightly less awkward. Yet as the night wore on, Kira found herself having fun – he seemed to go out of his way to make her laugh with stupid comments and to distract her from the disconcerting feeling of his arms around her body. At the end of the night, his hand on her arm and his look of apprehension stopped Kira from walking into her house. "Can I kiss you?" he asked.

Surprised that it wasn't a demand, Kira stood on her tiptoes and pressed her mouth to his, a motion intended to be quick and soft, a kiss of gratitude and friendship more than anything else. But she felt his hands grasp her upper arms with a firm, gentle touch, and he deepened the kiss, his tongue seeking entrance through her pliable lips. Lost in the sensations he seemed to be pulling from the bottom of her soul, Kira began to engage ardently in the embrace. When they finally broke apart, Kira looked at him with an amazed expression. Somehow, she never imagined Conner would kiss like that – in his eyes, she was the only girl in the world and the kiss had expressed that in a way that his words never could. And it was that taste of possibility that gave him the courage to ask her out again and allowed her to say yes with conviction.

* * *

"I'm not trying to tell you what to do, Kira! I'm trying to explain my point of view. I love you, but you drive me crazy sometimes," he exploded with frustration.

She froze, the minor spat forgotten in light of his harsh statement that rang with truth. "You love me?" she repeated, afraid to breathe much less move.

His eyes were wild with something like trepidation, but months of dating hadn't quite prepared her for his positive answer. "Of course I love you," he answered, a strange mixture of defiance and insecurity in his tone.

Swallowing a lot of the questions and thoughts she did not want to voice, Kira settled for the simplest question. "How can you be so sure?"

Conner ran his hand through his hair before he shrugged. "I don't know. I'm just sure."

She wondered how it was so easy for him to decide, but before she could say anything, he interrupted. "I don't expect you to say it, Kira, until you're ready."

"And if I'm never ready?"

"I guess you'll have to live with the fact that you broke my heart," he replied with a teasing smile.

* * *

Kira answered her cell phone, expecting to hear the warm tones of her boyfriend, but a single sentence from Ethan sent her rushing to the hospital at a speed that would have impressed Conner. As she skidded into the waiting room, Ethan, Cassidy, and Devin all jumped to their feet. The computer genius strode to her side quickly. "He's still unconscious, but the doctors don't think he needs surgery. We're just waiting for him to wake up. I called his parents and Dr. O – they should be here soon . . ." His voice trailed off as an older gentleman approached. "Doctor Armstrong?"

"Mr. McKnight is awake now, and he's being quite insistent about seeing someone named Kira."

"That's me," she replied, relief creeping into her body at his words. She followed the doctor toward Conner's room, but nothing could have prepared her for the sight of the strong athlete with a bloody bandage around his head lying in a hospital bed, looking weaker than she had ever seen him. "Oh, Conner!"

He grinned, a shadow of cockiness crossing his face. "I knew you'd rush to my side."

Pulling the chair to his bedside, she grasped his hand anxiously. "If you ever pull a stunt like this again, I will kill you myself," she threatened.

"So you were worried about me?"

She touched the bandage gently, moving her fingers to their clasped hands. "You know I was, Conner. God, I thought that I wouldn't have the chance to tell you . . ."

"Tell me what?" he pressed as she paused.

"That I love you," Kira said simply, her eyes wet with the tears that she had suppressed. She hurriedly wiped away the evidence even though it was too late.

"Ha, I knew it!" he exclaimed, flinching immediately. "Ow, that hurt."

"Quit being so stupid, Conner. You need to rest." Her tone was far sweeter than the sharp comment implied, and she settled into the chair, intent on guarding his rest like an angel of mercy.

* * *

When Ethan suggested the county fair, almost everyone embraced the idea with joy. Cassidy, the lone exception, thought it would be dirty and dusty, but Ethan managed to convince her anyway. At the fair, they were the last couple onto the Ferris wheel though Ethan hung back long enough to whisper a few words to the ride operator. On the ground, Kira half-turned toward Conner with a puzzled look. "What's going on?"

He smiled with a secretive joy. "Just watch," he answered, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his chin on her shoulder.

As Ethan and Cassidy's car stopped at the top, the software designer pulled a small box from his jacket and opened it. They heard her squeal of joy as a response and watched with pleasure as Cassidy plastered Ethan's mouth with kisses and emphatic words that were carried away on the wind. "How romantic." Kira sighed, leaning into Conner's arm squeeze. "You're not planning on proposing, right?" she asked suspiciously.

"Not a chance," he promised. As Cassidy and Ethan flew off the ride toward them with matching excitement, she felt the twinge of disappointment at his answer. Discussions about the future tended to be limited to the next week or a vague someday.

* * *

Cassidy's ability to put a dream wedding together in less than six months shouldn't have surprised Kira as much as it did, but she was pleased to be the maid of honor even if she did not care for the color scheme. Involved in the ceremony as they were, Kira and Conner had little chance to do much more than admire each other until the reception. As a Celine Dion song started to play, Conner tugged her onto the dance floor and held her close. "Having fun?" he inquired.

"It's good that they're happy, but this isn't really my sort of thing."

"I know. Our wedding will be much better."

"Our what?" She stumbled over the word, but Conner just shook his head and pulled her closer.

"Because you loved me," he sang along quietly, pitching his voice so only she and the closest pair on the dance floor could hear.

"Conner!" she said with a warning.

Nearby, she heard Ethan snickering. "This goes on the list."

"What list?" Cassidy asked innocently.

"The list of songs Conner is no longer allowed to listen to in my presence," he answered, laughing at the couple but spinning Cassidy away so they had a small bubble of privacy.

As Celine and Conner neared the end of the song, he released Kira to kneel on one knee. Even the DJ seemed to realize the momentous event so the music was silent as he stared at her with intensity. "I know this has been a strange relationship, Kira, but the person I've become is all because you've been in my life. I want to continue to grow with you at my side. Will you marry me?"

Ignoring the crowd's various suggestions, Kira answered in the only way she knew how with a decisive and thrilling kiss that increased the catcalls from their audience. When they paused to breathe, he whispered, "Is that a yes?"

Her hazel eyes shone with happiness. "Of course it is, McKnight. Someone has to keep you in line."

* * *

Kira surveyed the mid-size room with a keen look. "This would be perfect for a studio for me, and it's got that great backyard for you."

"I really like the huge tub in the master bathroom," Conner said with a lascivious wink.

She rolled her eyes but let the comment slide. "What do you really think, Conner?"

"I don't know, Kira. It's missing something." A serious look replaced his amused expression, matching his thoughtful tone.

"You've said that about every house we've looked at so far. What do you want, Conner?" she demanded with obvious irritation.

With a shrug, he glanced around the sterile room. "Even with a new coat of paint and a throw rug, this could never be our home, Kira."

"How can you know?" Her question was softer, the exasperation draining from her tone.

"Gut instinct."

"Why should I trust your instinct? It's gotten me in trouble before." The smile on her face contradicted the comment, and he responded in kind.

"Don't forget that it's saved your life, too. And if I had ignored my instinct, I never would have asked you out, and then where would you be?"

"Certainly not waiting for you to find a home your gut feels is perfect." But she conceded his point with a kiss. "What's the next address on the list?"

* * *

With a month left until the wedding, Kira left the house hunting to Conner, almost fully resigned to the idea that they would be living in an apartment for their honeymoon. It kept Conner busy and out from underfoot, and she did trust his instinct almost as much as she trusted her own. The contradictory thoughts made it something of a shock when Conner called to report that he had found the perfect place. Unfortunately, she had to wonder if his instinct was rusty when she parked her car next to his Mustang. The hacienda-style house made her stare with dismay. It wasn't so much the overgrown yard or the flaking paint – it was the overwhelming fact that it was a house that would need a lot of work. Unfortunately, Conner's full-blown grin didn't stem the rising tide of unease in Kira's stomach. "What do you think?" he asked, jogging in her direction.

She tried to gather her thoughts rationally. "Conner, it's falling apart."

"You have to see inside," he said enthusiastically, leading her into the house.

She followed him, not quite unwilling but also not quite pleased by this turn of events. "We'd have to put so much work into it, and we don't have the time for it. Plus, think of how expensive it would be to fix it."

"Shh, don't think about the details. Just look at it, Kira."

She did as he asked, glancing around the living room with its huge fireplace and the window seat. The soft glow of the setting sun outside reflected on the wooden floor. As she traipsed through the house, there were lots of little surprises – an old-fashioned kitchen with a central island, a finished basement that would be perfect for a studio, apple trees in the backyard with pink blossoms everywhere. But still, she couldn't quite let go of the idea that it might be too much to handle. "You're right, Conner, it's special, but I don't know how we could manage it."

"It's less than we had planned to spend so we could easily use the extra money for fixing it up and we've got plenty of manpower for painting and stuff. We probably wouldn't be able to move in before the wedding, but there's plenty of time after the wedding for it. We could be happy here, Kira."

Her mind wasn't exactly convinced, but Conner clearly wanted the house, and his passion for it was something that she could understand. At the very least, she knew that he should have the chance to persuade her. "Prove it to me."

* * *

Though the wedding was beautiful, it was happily uneventful for the newlyweds. Eric was the first to welcome Kira to the family with a very enthusiastic kiss that didn't please his brother at all, but she didn't hesitate to reassure Conner quite thoroughly that he was the only one that made her heart race with a public display of affection that made their friends cheer quite loudly at the reception. On the dance floor, they only had eyes for each other, swaying together to the first song they had ever danced to. Had anyone gotten close enough, they might have heard Conner's soft, playful words. "I half-expected you to leave me at the altar today so thanks for showing up and not making me look totally stupid."

"You don't need my help for that," she retorted with a smile.

"Hey, you don't have to rub it in." He touched the ring on her left hand. "I never thought today would come, that you would actually marry me."

"That's because you're kind of dumb. At least, you finally found the courage to ask me to marry you."

"It's not my fault you're so intimidating. It took me forever to ask you out, remember?"

"Hey, lovebirds, I think it's my turn to dance with the bride," Ethan interrupted loudly. Kira moved away with a regretful look, but her eyes promised that there would be plenty of time for them later.

* * *

Six months after their wedding, the couple threw open their doors and welcomed friends and family into their new home for a housewarming party. The muted yellows and reds of the walls surprised almost everyone save for a select few who laughed at the private joke. Kira showed off her new studio while Conner led everyone through the backyard with its professional soccer goal. Their friends had risen to the challenge of making the place livable, and the party was just as much a celebration of them as it was a celebration of a new home. But as Kira closed the door on the last of their guests, she found herself backed into the wooden door by Conner's sudden presence in her personal space. He rained kisses all over her face, light, feathery touches that made her heart skip a familiar beat. "Conner, what are you doing? We need to start cleaning up," she protested feebly.

"I think we need to christen the house instead," he argued, his attention moving to her neck and his hands dropping to her tank top.

"We've been christening the house all week." Her voice trailed off as his hands crawled up her body with a familiarity that made her shiver.

He grinned at the vibration of her body and removed his warm hands to swing her up into his arms. "I think we can leave the clean-up for tomorrow." He carried her toward the bedroom without resistance.

* * *

Eric handed Ethan a $20 bill with a groan. "I never thought they'd last out the year."

Ethan smirked, but Kira snatched the money from his hand. "Thanks, Ethan. What a nice anniversary present." She returned to Conner's side with a triumphant smile.

"Hey!"

Cassidy smacked him lightly on the arm. "You are such a pig, Ethan. Knock it off with the ridiculous bets."

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said innocently.

"Oh, come on, dude, you think we don't know about the little betting ring you have on the side."

"Ethan, we've known ever since Tommy let it slip that he lost money because we didn't call off the engagement at least once."

"Hey, Conner's participated a couple of times," Ethan said, ratting out his best friend whose smug look rapidly disappeared when Kira punched him hard in the shoulder.

"Kira!" With a muttered curse under her breath, she flounced away, sending him to chase after her with protests about how they had all been bets about their happiness actually lasting.

* * *

Conner walked out of the bathroom, wearing only his red boxers. "Kira, have you seen my shirt?"

It hung loosely on her small frame as she smiled winningly. "I was cold," she said.

"We can change that." He approached, but she suddenly shied away from him, running toward the bathroom with an ill look on her face. "Kira?"

She ignored his concern, bending over the toilet. "Kira, honey? Are you okay?"

As the spasms passed, she sat back and took the water and towel he offered with a weak smile. "I've been better, Conner."

"Maybe it's time to see Dr. Mata. This flu or whatever isn't going away. And I think we can rule out food poisoning." He stared at her with worried eyes.

"Fine, I'll see about making an appointment," she said with a sigh.

* * *

"It's a boy," Kira announced proudly, her hands resting protectively on her slightly rounded stomach. Conner lugged the buckets of paint into the empty room. "So we're going to paint it blue."

"The best color ever," their best friend said with a serious tone. "Hey, you know I hear that Ethan is a good name for a boy."

"Dude, he's clearly going to be named after his Uncle Eric."

"I still don't know why we can't paint it red," Conner whined as he set the last bucket down.

Tommy and Devin ignored Conner's complaint, popping the lids of the paint cans to find a cornflower blue, a soft pale shade that was more suited toward babies than Ethan's darker navy blue. Cassidy exclaimed over the color with excitement, "How pretty, Kira. You have such an eye for color."

Hayley surveyed the pregnant women in the room and pronounced, "All right, you two should go. You don't need to be inhaling paint fumes. They're already lost so it won't matter if a few more brain cells die."

"Hayley," Kira said with a hint of protest.

"Trust me, Kira, I'll keep them in line. We'll get this done in no time at all." They all recognized the familiar bossy gleam in her eye.

* * *

In spite of the exhaustion under her eyes, Kira beamed happily. The intense feeling of awe and wonder that flooded her heart when she had first heard and seen her new son was incomparable to anything she had ever felt before. Not even the emotions associated with being a Ranger had come close. His tiny mouth suckled greedily on her breast as his tiny hand squeezed her finger. Kira's eyes drank in every feature of the infant with pleasure. "You're so beautiful," she whispered softly, her breath ruffling the small clumps of brown hair.

"He gets that from us," Conner said, fiddling with his video camera so he could capture the moment.

"Turn that off, Conner," she muttered self-consciously.

"We need to have Nathan Oliver McKnight's first moments in the world, Kira. He's going to grow up to be great." Her husband grinned and set the camera down, stepping over to the bed to kiss the top of her head and touch Nathan's silky cheek with his much larger hand.

Kira laid her left hand on top of his, enjoining their wedding rings. "Hush, Conner. It's too early to talk about the baby growing up."

* * *

"Look, Nate, it's your favorite, peas," Kira said, showing the baby the spoon with green mush. He gurgled a laugh, reaching for the bright red spoon and knocking it onto her yellow sweater instead. "Nathan," she scolded with a smile, one he returned eagerly.

Conner paused in the doorway, watching his family with interest. "You two always wind up wearing the baby food. How do you know that peas are his favorite?"

Two heads turned in his direction, identical pairs of hazel eyes blinking at him. "I can handle the baby food. I'm just glad he saves his macho posturing for when you're changing his diaper," Kira retorted pertly.

"Yes, rub it in that I'm the one he likes to pee on." Conner approached the high chair, dropping down to Nathan's eye level. "Hey sport, are you being good for your mommy?"

Nathan babbled nonsense good-naturedly before he stuck one hand in the green food and splattering his father's hair with strained peas.

"Oh, ew, gross." Conner touched his hair gingerly.

Kira laughed. "Daddy's silly, isn't he, Nathan?"

"Dada, dada, dada, dada," Nathan chanted, waving his arms with excitement.

His parents gave each other surprised looks, immediately trying to get him to repeat his first word.

* * *

Kira opened the door to the nursery, humming cheerfully. Nathan often greeted her, standing at the rail, burbling with nonsense or dancing to some unknown beat in his head. He was still sleeping so she opened the blinds, sending bright sunshine into the room. Waltzing up to the crib, she touched the top of his head. "Are you a sleepyhead today, Nathan?" Frowning, Kira's fingers moved down to his cheeks, realizing that they were awfully cool to the touch. With a sinking heart, her eyes noticed the pale white of his skin, almost as if he was . . . "Conner!" she screamed, panic etched into every syllable.

"Kira, what's wrong?" he demanded as he raced into the room where he found her cradling their son close to her chest.

Tears rolled down her face. "Nathan's not breathing, Conner."

"I'll go call 911. You make sure his airway his clear, okay, Kira? The EMTs will be able to figure out what's wrong with him."

* * *

Kira couldn't shake the disconnected feeling as she watched the small casket lowered into the ground. Her tears had dried up, and now she watched dispassionately as they began to shovel the excess dirt into the grave. She wanted to scream at them for the heartless way they went about their business, but she didn't, unable to work up the energy. She would never see her baby smile again, never hear him laugh, never see him walk. Conner's arm around her waist tightened as if he sensed her dark thoughts.

From outside of her body, Kira watched as their best friends approached with grief-stricken eyes. Cassidy hurriedly wiped her eyes with tissue. "I'm so sorry," she said, clutching at Kira's hand.

She stared ahead blankly as a seed of resentment tugged at her heart. Cassidy had a perfectly healthy little girl who she would get to see grow up and live happily ever after. Conner jumped in quickly, fielding the appropriate responses as he had been all day. He was trying to be strong for her, but she knew he felt the loss almost as keenly as she did.

Ethan hugged them both, saving an extra squeeze for Kira. "Anything we can do to help, you just let us know, okay?"

"Absolutely," Conner promised. Everyone had kept their distance, unsure of how to offer sympathy, and Kira found herself perversely grateful for the discomfort of the day.

* * *

In the kitchen that she had once loved so much, Kira washed dishes mindlessly. She had taken to moving constantly, keeping her hands busy in an effort to stay the pain and sorrow that seemed to be permanently lodged in her heart.

"Kira, honey, where are you?" She heard Conner's voice as the front door shut behind him.

"I'm in the kitchen," she called listlessly.

He jogged into the kitchen with a grin. "You were here when I left."

"The kitchen was dirty."

He moved closer, attempting to kiss her as he usually did, but she moved her mouth away at the last second so all he caught was a mouthful of hair. "I'm sorry I'm late today. The coach wanted . . ."

"It doesn't matter. Dinner should be ready soon." With a quick turn, she danced out of reach and started checking the pots and pans on the stove. She felt his concerned eyes boring into her back, but she was fine with his decision to change the subject to a neutral topic.

* * *

Kira woke from a deep sleep to find her husband standing over her with a worried look.

"Kira, come back to bed," he urged gently.

"Conner, leave me alone." She shifted uncomfortably in the rocking chair.

Conner stared at her mutinous expression and sighed audibly. "This isn't healthy. Sleeping here isn't going to bring Nathan back, Kira."

"I know that," she declared with annoyance, resolving to sleep there anyway.

"Please come back to bed," he begged. His movements were careful like he worried that she might shatter into glass if he pressed too hard. She almost hated him for his effort to be delicate – she missed his clumsy attempts to do the right thing because at least his attempts were usually something she could laugh at. Laughter was such a foreign thing anymore that she almost craved the chance to laugh again.

"Conner, I want to be here. It reminds me of Nathan."

Glancing around the room, Conner broached a subject he had been putting off for weeks. "Maybe it's time to start putting everything away, honey. We can pack away the baby clothes and stuff and donate the stuff that really reminds us of Nathan."

Enraged, Kira stood up to face him, dropping the baby blanket that had been on her lap. "How can you suggest that we should start forgetting Nathan?"

"I'm not suggesting the we forget our son, Kira. I just think we can't move on as long as we hold on to the tangible reminders. He lives here in our hearts, not here in this room. You keep falling asleep here, but Nathan isn't here, not anymore," he answered harshly.

"Stop it!" she said angrily. "Next, you'll be suggesting that we have another child right away." The look on his face indicated that the thought had crossed his mind. "Get out, Conner! Leave me alone."

* * *

Kira concentrated on her plate, mixing the mashed potatoes together. She was so used to the silence that governed meals together that she was startled when he said her name. "Hmm?" she asked distractedly.

"How was your day?" he inquired in the patient tone that she had come to loathe.

"It was fine. Cass and I went to lunch," she answered flatly.

"How is Persephone doing?"

"I don't know. Cassidy doesn't usually bring their daughter anymore." Kira no longer resented the James family for their daughter, but she didn't mind when the child stayed home. The thought that Nathan would be walking and speaking in complete sentences as Persephone was doing made her heart ache.

"That's a shame."

His remark irritated her, and she snapped, "Do you think being around children will make me want to have another baby?" Her hazel eyes met his for the first time in months.

"No, that's not what I meant." It was his turn to sound annoyed. "I just wanted to know how she's doing – she is our goddaughter, remember?"

Her anger deflated at his reason. "I'm sorry, Conner."

"It doesn't matter." An awkward silence fell between them, leaving Kira to wonder how their marriage had degraded to silence and uncivil accusations.

"I miss you, Kira," he said softly, reaching across the table to touch her hand.

She moved it out of the way. "I'm right here," she retorted, smarting from the perceived insult.

"Your shadow, maybe, but not the real you. Kira, I love you, but you're not here."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"When was the last time you picked up your guitar? How come your song notebook is still empty? You need to start living again, Kira."

She glared defiantly at him. "I'm not heartless like you, Conner. I'm still mourning my son."

"I was thinking we should consider grief counseling," he continued, ignoring her comment.

"I don't need grief counseling."

He played with his glass. "It's not helping when all you do is sit around and watch the videos of Nathan all day long. Don't you see that?"

"Shut up, Conner!" Her wild shout surprised both of them. "If you don't like the way I am, maybe you should just leave."

Conner studied her calmly though his eyes looked very sad. "Is that what you really want?"

Indecision tore at her gut, but Kira held her ground. "Yeah, I think we both need time apart."

"Fine, I'll pack up and find somewhere to stay tomorrow." Standing, he removed his dishes from the table, turning his back on her and leaving her to wonder why he was so passive about it all.

* * *

"Kira?"

She heard his voice as the door opened. "Here, Conner," she answered from the living room.

Only a sudden widening of his eyes let her know that he had noted the messy hair and sweats. It seemed too much effort to actually get ready for the day, not when she didn't have anything to live for. He passed on making a comment about her appearance, settling for a quiet greeting instead. "Hello."

"What do you need?" she asked brusquely, brushing her hair from her face self-consciously. She didn't want to see his pity at all.

"I accidentally grabbed some of your clothes when I was packing." Proffering the bag in his hand, Conner waited for her to take it from him, letting a long moment pass between them until he set the bag down at his feet. "How have you been?"

"I've been fine. Oh wait, I've been watching videos of my son all day which is unhealthy as I recall you saying."

"He's my son, too, Kira. Stop acting like he's not."

"You're the one who acts like he never existed, Conner, not me," she reminded him harshly.

"Kira, you're not alone in your grief. I miss him, too. I miss his happy smile, I miss his laugh, I miss waking up to his sleeping noises, hell, I even miss him peeing on me, but he's gone, Kira, don't you see that? You and I are still here. We're still alive. We're still married. We still love each other. It's time to start living again."

"Actually, about the marriage thing," she interrupted his tirade. "I called Devin earlier this week to ask him about options."

Running his hand through his hair, Conner demanded, "What sort of options?"

"I want a divorce, Conner."

Stunned into silence, Conner gaped at his wife with shock. He surveyed her eyes, looking for some sort of emotion, but all he saw was emptiness when she stared back at him. "How can you say that?"

"It's very easy. We're not happy, Conner, and we barely talk much less get along anymore. The longer we draw this out, the more painful it will be for both of us." She yanked off her wedding ring and handed it to him without a second thought. "I think it's time for you to find a lawyer."

"If this is what you want, Kira, we don't need separate lawyers. We can just file a joint claim – it won't be messy, and I'll give you whatever you want. The house, alimony, whatever," he said hollowly, clutching her ring tightly.

Was this what it all came down to? An empty moment where they both admitted the marriage was over? Kira puzzled over that thought as Conner turned away to leave the house. She couldn't stand the way he had looked like he had lost everything he knew when she handed him the ring. Whatever little bit of her heart wasn't buried under the soil belonged to him, and she fought the urge to call him back.

* * *

"Are you sure you want to go through with this?"

The question stopped Kira cold. She glanced at the figure across the table. "Are you trying to talk me out of this?"

"No, not really. It's just a big step, you know. I want to make sure you've thought it through." The lawyer watched her with compassionate eyes. "It's been a long time, Kira, and you shouldn't regret the decision you're about to make."

Her fingers traced over the lettering on the official document. "Dissolution of Marriage" followed by their names and the reason at the bottom of the form. "Irreconcilable Differences" – it was such a simple innocuous term, one that freed them both from any fault or blame. She looked at him with sad resignation. "It has to be this way. We haven't been married since Nathan . . . we haven't been married for a long time, Devin. This just makes it official." Resolute, she picked up the black pen and set it above the black line over her own name. Memories rushed through her head quickly.

 _I've liked you for a while, Kira._

 _Can I kiss you?_

 _I love you, but you drive me crazy sometimes._

 _I guess you'll have to live with the fact that you broke my heart._

 _I knew you'd rush to my side._

 _The person I've become is all because you've been in my life. I want to continue to grow with you at my side._

 _This could never be our home, Kira._

 _We could be happy here, Kira._

 _I never thought today would come, that you would actually marry me._

 _I think we need to christen the house instead._

 _He gets that from us._

 _He lives here in our hearts, not here in this room._

 _I miss you, Kira._

But most of all, his final plea to save their marriage echoed in her head:

 _You and I are still here. We're still alive. We're still married. We still love each other. It's time to start living again._

She thought about Nathan's adorable smile, his sweet little fingers and toes, his easy laugh. With a deep breath, she forced herself to think about Conner asking her out nervously, the way he had been afraid to kiss her, the bad serenade that accompanied his proposal. He had loved her so completely and unconditionally that it made her smile openly. And then she started to remember his best qualities, his persistence, his ability to make her laugh, his open emotions. She couldn't say that she didn't still love him.

"Kira?" Devin watched her carefully. "Are you okay?"

"What has Conner told you about all of this?"

The lawyer shook his head. "You know I can't tell you that, Kira."

"Not even hypothetically?" He shook his head again, and she sighed. "I just don't understand why he would go along with my divorce idea if he didn't agree with it."

With a torn expression, Devin finally burst out, "As a friend of Conner's, I'd say it's because he wants you to be happy, and if this will make you happier, then he's willing to do it. Even if it makes him unhappy."

She glanced at Devin with surprise and stood up suddenly, grabbing the sheaf of papers. "I need to talk to Conner."

* * *

Kira set the paperwork down on the seat next to her, pausing only to finger the song notebook that contained the beginning of a few new songs. He had thrown it in her face during that fateful day when she had asked him to move out, and she had responded to the challenge. She stared at blank pages over and over again until she dreamed of Nathan and started to write about her feelings. She forgot how therapeutic the writing could be, and her guitar had soothed her unrest a little. In fact, she started to pick up her guitar whenever she had the desire to watch the videos, and she could feel the grief lessening. To her surprise, she found that the grief could disappear without losing her son in the process. Pondering the dilemma of where he might be, she knew that he had a meeting later with Devin to sign the papers. There was only one place where he might be, she concluded.

Ten minutes later, she pulled up to the cemetery. It was the first time she had come back since the day they had laid their son to rest here though Conner had returned often. Kira walked swiftly toward the small angel under a large oak tree where a lone figure in red stood. Slowing as she approached, she waited for him to set down the dozen red and yellow roses on the grave. "Do you bring roses often?" she asked, pitching her voice so it carried over the wind.

Spinning with surprise, he looked at Kira. "What are you doing here?" His tone was guarded.

"I brought you these," she said, holding out the divorce papers to him.

"I was going to see Devin later this afternoon," he replied, taking the papers from her.

With pleasure, she noted the wedding band he still wore on his hand. It gave her the courage to say, "I know, but I wanted you to look at them first."

Conner flipped through the document impatiently, stopping as he reached the last page. "There's nothing that's changed, Kira."

"That's the point, Conner." She moved next to him and pointed out the empty space where her name should have been.

"Why didn't you sign this?" he asked suspiciously and Kira's heart broke.

"Because I wanted to make sure it's what you wanted, Conner."

"What do you mean?"

Kira took a deep breath and laid her hand on his arm, the first voluntary physical contact she had initiated in months. "I mean I don't know if I'm ready to give up on our marriage."

Glancing at her hand, he finally stared at her with a puzzled expression. "I don't understand."

"I want to make our relationship work, Conner. I love you, and I can't imagine you not being at my side for the rest of my life."

His smile blossomed with joy before it faded slightly. "Are you sure?"

"Absolutely." She leaned in and whispered, "Can I kiss you?"

The answer he gave wasn't verbal – it was a hungry, passionate kiss that she felt to the tips of her toes. It rapidly escalated to something that neither of them was quite prepared for, the papers dropping from his hands as he reached up to cup her face. She pulled away, and he tensed up quickly, expecting the final blow. "Let's go home," she said, tugging on his hand.

"Just a minute," he said, pulling out a chain around his neck and unhooking it to pull off a pendant that hung from it. "Here, I want you to put this on."

She stared at it with surprise. "My wedding ring?"

"I always hoped you'd change your mind," he admitted ruefully, taking her finger and slipping the ring back on. "I couldn't see ever loving anyone the way I loved you."

Kira glanced at the engraved angel at his feet. "I know what you mean, Conner."

"We'll get through this together, Kira."

"I think we've already started." He wrapped his arm around her shoulder familiarly, and they strolled out of the cemetery, finally back on the right path.


End file.
